*** Trigger Warning: Discussion around suicide and depression ***

10^th September has been annually recognised since 2003 as World Suicide Prevention Day, to encourage worldwide commitment and action to prevent suicides.

Suicide prevention is something we regularly come back to and talk about here at DadPad, given that the suicide rate in men is much higher than for women; for example, official UK statistics for 2023 indicate that the male suicide rate in England and Wales was 17.4 deaths per 100,000, compared to a female suicide rate of 5.7 deaths per 100,000.  In Scotland, the figures are similar, with 22.6 male deaths per 100,000, compared to 7.1 female deaths per 100,000.

Added to this, statistics also indicate that suicide is the main cause of death in young people under the age of 35 years in the UK, and that around ¾ of these were boys or young men – i.e. the age group most likely to include new dads.

We also know from studies that an individual experiencing depression is twenty times more likely to die by suicide than someone without the condition, that over half (58%) of all deaths by suicide occur in individuals before the age of 50 years, and that the risk of suicide during the postnatal period for fathers is almost 5%.

Add to this the critical role that a positive paternal influence has on a developing baby and child, together with the fact that somewhere around 10% of all new dads are known to suffer from postnatal depression (PND), and you can hopefully see why it’s so important that those around new dads are aware of how vulnerable that they may be.

Starting the conversation

The current triennial theme from the World Health Organisation for World Suicide Prevention Day from 2024-2026 is “Changing the Narrative on Suicide”, together with the call to “Start the Conversation”.  The aim here is to raise awareness of the importance of reducing the stigma around suicide, and encouraging more open conversations to help prevent deaths by suicide, shifting the culture from one of silence and stigma to one of openness, understanding and support.

Most of us would hate to think that someone close to us was ever contemplating suicide, especially a new dad with so much to live for.  We’d of course want to do all that we could to help and support them – but the issue is often ‘how?’, and ‘what if I say the wrong thing and inadvertently make the situation worse?’.

The good news is that the fantastic teams at Papyrus, who work to prevent young suicide, and Shout have set out some great guidance on how you can do this, if you have any concerns.

What should I be looking out for?

Papyrus acknowledge that it’s not always easy to identify if someone is having thoughts of suicide, not least because it’s impossible to read someone else’s mind.  However, they suggest the following as some of the key signs to be on the alert for:

• Changes in behaviour: this might include withdrawing from socialising, losing interest in activities and events that they would have normally enjoyed, and giving away their possessions;
• Physical indicators: such as losing interest in their appearance, or losing weight;
• Expressing thoughts and feelings: this could be feelings of hopelessness, sadness, guilt, and/or worthlessness; and
• Use of particular words/phrases/language: such as “I can’t take this anymore”, or “You’d all be better off without me.

It’s worth also being alert to the fact that we know that men often exhibit signs of depression – especially postnatally – in a slightly different way than we might expect/that we might identify in women.  For example, as well as all the traditional indicators – such as having a low mood, poor sleep, poor concentration, and/or changes in appetite – men/new dads might instead:

• Become more easily angry or irritated;
• Increase their consumption of alcohol or cigarettes;
• Find reasons to be out of the family home more often;
• Start exercising more; and/or
• Feel that they are not bonding with their baby.

What can I do to help?

It’s important that anyone supporting or close to a man or new dad who they fear may be depressed or having thoughts of suicide gives them the opportunity to talk.

We’re so conditioned, as a society, to be excited about and interested in the new baby, and to look to support a new mum after she’s given birth, both physically and in terms of her mental health, but it’s a relatively new idea to also check in on dad.

It’s one of the reasons why we always look to raise awareness of the need to always remember to ask #HowAreYouDad when visiting a new family, for example, and also always remembering to #AskTwice; after all, we all know how easy it is to simply reply “Fine!” when asked after our wellbeing.  A second enquiry might convince your friend that you genuinely are interested, and that you have the time to hear them.

Papyrus recognise how scary it can be to go even deeper, and to start a chat about suicide with someone that you are worried about.

One of Papyrus’ key recommendations is to ask direct questions:

To ask the question directly means a direct answer is needed so this will ensure a clear understanding around suicide and their safety. If that person has never been asked if they are feeling suicidal before it could be a big relief to them. Recent research has indicated that asking the question can reduce the risk of them ending their life because this gives you the opportunity to explore their feelings further and support them to safety by working on how they can get support and how important it is to be honest with that support. The most important thing to do is to ASK THE QUESTION.

As well as having some conversation starters available via their website, Papyrus and Shout have also provided some addition guidance on talking with someone about suicide here, which includes the need to:

• Educate yourself about the myths and misconceptions: before starting any conversation, it can be helpful to learn a little more about suicide, so that you can have the conversation with sensitivity and respect. The Shout website has a section on some of the myths that surround suicide;
• Listen actively and without judgement: be patient and fully focused, without interrupting, give your friend the time and space to share their feelings with you, and listen to what they say;
• Show your support and reassurance: recognise that having the courage to open up about their feelings to someone is an incredibly brave thing for your friend to do, so make sure that you let them know this. Reflect back to them that you realise that they are hurting, so that they do not feel so alone and that there is hope;
• Stay calm: it’s crucial that you do all that you can to reduce your friend’s anxiety, to help them feel safer and more comfortable in sharing their feelings with you. This will also enable you to think with clarity and respond in an appropriate way; and
• Empower them to reach out for support: let them know that there is help available for them and, if you feel that they are open to engage with support, help them find suitable services, and maybe even help them sort appointments or phone calls.

What are the support services?

As well as the most obvious option, perhaps, of speaking to a health professional who knows them – and this might be the Midwife or Health Visitor currently supporting the new family, as well as your friend’s GP – there are a range of other self-help and online resources, together with local and national crisis helplines.

Some of the core helplines that it might be worth sharing with your friend at this time include:

• Samaritans: Call free on 116 123 all day, every day;
• Mind: Call their support line on 0300 102 1234 (open Mon-Fri, 9.00am-6.00pm, except on Bank Holidays) for a safe space to talk about your mental health;
• Papyrus HOPELINE247: Call 0800 068 41 41 all day, every day if you are under 35 years and experiencing thoughts of suicide, or are concerned that a young person you know might be thinking about suicide;
• NHS: call 111 and select the mental health option; or
• SHOUT: Text ‘SHOUT’ to 85258 all day, every day to start a text conversation with a trained Shout volunteer.

Putting in place a safety plan

It might also be helpful to share with your friend the idea of a Suicide Safety Plan, which they can turn to during those times when their thoughts of suicide might become overwhelming.  You can find information and/or links to these online, including at:

• The Papyrus website: https://www.papyrus-uk.org/resource-suicide-safety-plan/ ;
• The Staying Safe website has information on making a safety plan, including video guidance an online templates: https://stayingsafe.net; and
• The Mind website’s ‘Suicidal feelings’ page: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/suicidal-feelings/helping-yourself-long-term/, which includes information on making a safety plan.

Finally, don’t forget to also look after yourself if you are supporting someone who may be experiencing thoughts of suicide – it can be a challenging thing to do, and can raise a number of feelings and emotions within you.  Remember to take time for yourself, and speak to others around you to gain support for your own wellbeing.

And never forget that the person you are supporting is much more than simply their current thoughts and mental state – remember all the other amazing things about them that you love, and why you’re taking the time to help them.

References:

International Association for Suicide Prevention (2024). World Suicide Prevention Day Facts & Figures 2024. [online]

Knapman, (2018). ‘The truth about paternal PND.’ Community Practitioner. 91(3), 37-39. [Online]

Mind (undated). Helplines. [online]

Mind (2020). Suicidal feelings. [online]

NHS (2023). Where to get urgent help for mental health. [online]

Papyrus (undated). HOPELINE247. [online]

Papyrus (undated). Latest Statistics. [online]

Papyrus (undated). Suicide Safety Plan. [online]

Papyrus (undated). World Suicide Prevention Day. [online]

Papyrus (2023). Conversation Starters. [online – downloadable]

Papyrus (2024). World Suicide Prevention Day 2024: Changing the Narrative on Suicide. [online]

Quevedo et al, (2011). ‘Risk of suicide and mixed episode in men in the postpartum period.’ Journal of Affective Disorders. 132(1-2), 243-246. [Weblink]

Samaritans (undated). Contact a Samaritan. [online]

Samaritans (2023). Suicides in Scotland. [online]

Samaritans (2024). Latest suicide data. [online]

Shout (undated). Get help. [online]

Shout (2024). How to start a conversation about suicide. [online]

Staying Safe from suicidal thoughts (undated). My Safety Plan [online]

World Health Organization (2024). World Suicide Prevention Day 2024. [online]